Feeling Strangly Fine

Well, Here i am again in the middle of the work week typing at my workstation wondering when i am going to be getting some really work to do. I saw this move over the weekend called "the science of sleep". It was so weirdddd..but i loved it. It sometimes reminds me of how i see things with out the massive distortion from dreams to reality. But i loved the ending. This dude is obviously mentally unstable but not really harmful. He ends up telling the girl he loves that he loves her because everyone else is boring and she is different. I have said that before to someone else that i had loved and yet still ended with the same conclusion. Lost in a dream world where it never really happens but in my dreams. I cried at the end which i don't know why. I felt bad for the guy. I also felt like this guy is so freaking smart but he is so crazy. I like it =)

Anyway..should see it if you like indie films..if yo don't you will never get it and this it sucks lol!

Ode to my faults

Adia I do believe I failed you
Adia I know I let you down
don't you know I tried so hard
to love you in my way
it's easy let it go


Adia I'm empty since you left me
trying to find a way to carry on
I search myself and everyone
to see where we went wrong


'Cause there's no one left to finger
there's no one here to blame
there's no one left to talk to honey
and there ain't no one to buy our innocence


'Cause we are born innocent
believe me Adia, we are still innocent
it's easy, we all falter
does it matter?


Adia I thought we could make it
but I know I can't change the way you feel
I leave you with your misery
a friend who won't betray
I pull you from your tower
I take away your pain
and show you all the beauty you possess
if you'd only let yourself believe that
we are born innocent
believe me Adia, we are still innocent
it's easy, we all falter, does it matter?
believe me Adia, we are still innocent


'Cause we are born innocent
Adia we are still
it's easy, we all falter ... but does it matter?

Not Ready..

I’ve come to realize that our lives can change literally in a second. That I cannot “wait” for things to happen. Those things that may seem impulsive or random really are the essence of what changes are lives. I feel like I was this kid who was living her life with a false sense of the world. It is like I was in this bubble that kept me thinking that every year that comes will bring me the same thing. I was ready to leave home, I wasn’t ready to have sex, I wasn’t ready to fall in love, and I wasn’t ready to lose my friends. I wasn’t ready for any of that. Then I ask myself what am I ready for? I come to the conclusion that I am never really ready for anything. I am scared and I always feel like I don’t understand why my head constantly thinks of things that don’t agree with my heart. I think every time I ever followed my heart I got hurt but every time I followed my head I advanced to the next step in life but I wasn’t exactly fulfilled. When I am left with these options which one do I choose? Do I choose a happy existence with the worse conditions and lose everyone it he process. Or do I lead an existence with everything I ever wanted but still feel empty inside. Again my head always wins. I wish I could not care about were I end up I wish I never worried about how my life my end up. I wish I could just be random and go for what I truly believe. I am so afraid of failure. I am so afraid of the world and all the evil that is in it. I wish it could all make sense. But it doesn’t.